1 来龙去脉The Long and Short of It
Although I had never met him, I knew that my grandfather had been five feet, six inches tall, while my stately grandmother stood five feet, eleven inches. As a teen-ager leafing through old photographs with Grandma, I finally realized how unusual they must have looked together.
"Grandma," I asked, "how could you have fallen in love with a man five inches shorter than you?"
She turned to me. "Honey," she said, "we fell in love sitting down, and when I stood up, it was too late."
尽管我从未见过我祖父，但我知道他身高五英尺六，而我高贵的祖母身高五英尺十一。十几岁的时候，我和祖母一起一页一页地翻着老照片，我终于认识到他们在一起是多么不同寻常。
“奶奶，”我问道，“你怎么会爱上一个比你矮五英寸的人呢？”
她转过脸来看着我。“宝贝，”她说，“我们是坐着相爱的。当我站起来的时候，已经太晚了。”
2 请帮个忙Do Me a Favor
The mechanic was very busy when I took my car in for repairs, so I settled down in the waiting room with a book I'd brought along. The mechanic was in and out answering calls, and at one point he stopped and looked at me. "Would you do me a favor and flip back a few pages when someone comes in? That way it won't look as if you've been here all day."
我把车拖去修理，机械师很忙。所以我就坐在接待室，拿出我随身带来的书读，机械师出出进进地打招呼。有一次，他停下来看了看我说：“你能帮我个忙吗？有人进来时，把书翻回几页行吗？那样的话，就不会看上去你在这儿呆了一整天了。”
3 不在这里Not Here
Kathy and Polly were friends but they liked playing tricks on each other
One day Kathy met Polly in the street. She said, "Hi, Polly. It's good to see you."
"How can you see me when I'm not here?" Polly asked.
"What do you mean, you're not here?" Kathy asked. "Of course you're here."
"No, I'm not." Polly said. "and I'll bet you ten dollars that I can prove I'm not here."
"Alright," said Kathy. "Ten dollars. Now prove you're not here."
"Easy," Polly said, "Am I in Hong Kong?"
"No," said Kathy.
"Am I in Paris?"
"No," said Kathy.
"If I'm not in Hong Kong and I'm not in Paris," Polly said, "then I must be somewhere else. Right?"
"Right," said Kathy. "You must be somewhere else."
"Exactly." said Polly. "And if I'm somewhere else I can't be here, can I? Ten dollars, please. "
"That's very clever, Polly," Kathy said, "but I can't give you ten dollars."
"Why not?" asked Polly. "We had a bet.
"Certainly we had a bet," Kathy said, "but how can I give you ten dollars if you're not here?"
And with a laugh she walked away.
凯斯和波丽是朋友，但她们总爱开对方的玩笑。
一天凯斯在街上遇见了波丽。她说，“喂、波丽，很高兴见到你。”
“我不在这里，你怎能看到我呢？”波丽说。
“你说你不在这里，这是什么意思？”凯斯问，“当然，你在这里。”
“不，我不在这里。”波丽说，“我将和你打10美元的赌，赌我能证明我不在这里。”
“行，”凯斯说，“10美元。现在证明你不在这里吧。”
“这很容易，”波丽说，“我在香港吗？”
“不在，”凯斯说。
“我在巴黎吧？”
“如果我既不在香港也不在巴黎，”波丽说，“那我一定在别的地方。对不对？”
“对，”凯斯说，“你一定在别处。”
“确实如此，”波丽说，“既然我在别处，那我一定不在这里，不是吗？请给10美元吧。”
“真聪明，波丽。”凯斯说，“但我不能给你10美元。”
“为什么不给？”波丽问，“我们打过赌的。”
“不错，我们打过赌。”凯斯说，“但既然你不在这里，我怎么能给你10美元呢？”
说完她笑着离开了。
4 海军军官候补生A Midshipman
One of my fellow midshipmen at the U. S. Naval Academy was performing poorly in class and reported to his company officer for counseling, "Your marks are deplorable!" the officer scolded. "Is there a problem-that has kept you from studies?"
"No, sir," the midshipman replied. "I have no idea what the problem is. I study the notes I take, and I'm never late to class. I don't even talk in class, but for some reason my professors don't seem to like me.
The officer sat back and thought. Then he asked, "Do you get enough sleep?"
My classmate replied, "Sir, do you mean at night or in class?"
我们在美国海军学院军官候补生中有一个同伴，他的学业很差。他到连队军官那儿寻求安慰。“你的成绩糟透了，”军官责备他说，“是否你的学习中存在什么问题？”
“没有哇，先生，”候补生回答说，“我搞不清楚是什么问题。我读我的笔记，上课从不迟到。甚至上课从不讲话，但不知怎么搞的，教授们好像都不喜欢我。”
军官向后一靠，想了想。然后问道：“你睡眠充足吗？”
我同学回答说：“先生，你说的是夜里还是课堂上？”
5 糊涂父亲The Mistaken Father
The morning following the birth of our first child, my husband was mistakenly directed to the room of another new mother on the maternity floor. As he walked into the room, he bent over the nap- ping mother, whose back was turned to him, and gave her a big kiss. The woman was startled to see a stranger. But before she could say anything, my husband smiled and said, "I didn't know having a baby would change you this much!"
我们孩子出世的那天早晨，我丈夫由于受误导跑到了产科病区的另一位产妇那里。他弯下腰，给了那位正背对着他小睡的产妇一个长吻。那位产妇发现是位陌生人，惊跳起来。但她还没来得及张口，我丈夫便微笑着说：“真想不到生个孩子能使你变化如此之大！”
6 欲买马之人A Prospective Horse Buyer
Then there was the preacher who decided to sell his horse. A prospective buyer was impressed with the animal, but the preacher said, "I must warn you-he only responds to 'church talk'. Go is 'Praise the Lord', and stop is 'Hallelujah"'.
"I've worked with horses all my life," said the buyer, "and I've never heard of anything like this." Mounting the horse, he said skeptically, "Praise the Lord." The horse began to trot. He repeated "Praise the Lord" and the horse broke into a gallop. Suddenly the buyer saw a cliff dead ahead. Frantic, he yelled "Hallelujah", and they came to a stop a foot from the edge.
Wiping the sweat from his brow, the buyer said, "Praise the Lord!"
传教士决定卖掉他的马。一位欲买马之人看中了这匹马，但传教士说：“我必须警告你----他只懂‘教堂语言’。走是‘感谢上帝’，停是‘哈里路亚’。”
“我一生都在同马打交道，”买马之人说，“这样的事我还是头一次听到。”他跨上马，将信将疑地说：“感谢上帝。”马开始小跑。他重复说“感谢上帝”，马开始飞奔起来。突然买马者看到前面是一个悬崖。他吓坏了，匆忙喊道：“哈里路亚。”他们在离悬崖只有一英尺的地方停了下来。
买马之人擦了擦额头上的汗珠，说道：“感谢上帝！”
(from Internet) |
