1 请假

Two factory workers are talking. The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."

The man replies, "And how would you do that?"

The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.

The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"

The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."

The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."

The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"

The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

两个工厂的工人在聊天。女子说：“我能让老板给我一天假。”

男子回答说，“你怎么做呢？”

女子说，“等着瞧吧。”随后，她在天花板上倒挂着。

老板进来说，“你在干什么？”

女子回答说：“我是个电灯泡。”

老板说，“你做得太多都疯了。我想你需要休息一天。”

那名男子开始跟随她，老板说，“你要去哪儿？”

那名男子说，“我要回家了。我不能在黑暗中工作。”

2 这到底是哪儿

Stormy weather diverted our Dallas-bound flight to another airport.

As we approached the runway, the pilot came on the intercom: "For those of you who are not familiar with the area, this is Lubbock, Texas."

Then he paused. "And for those of you who are familiar with this area, I think this is Lubbock, Texas."

雨暴天气使我们本来飞往达拉斯的航班不得不转飞另一个机场。

当我们的飞机靠近跑道的时候，飞行员通过对讲机说：“对于那些对这个地区不熟悉的人，这里是德州的Lubbock”。

然后他停顿了一下，接着说，“对于那些熟悉这个地区的人，我感觉这里就是德州的Lubbock了”。

3 三只海龟

Once there were three turtles. One day they decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized they had forgotten the soda. The youngest turtle said he would go home and get it if they wouldn't eat the sandwiches until he got back. A week went by, then a month, finally a year, when the two turtles said, "oh, come on, let's eat the sandwiches." Suddenly the little turtle popped up from behind a rock and said, "If you do, I won't go!"

从前，有三只海龟。有一天，他们决定去野餐。当他们到了野餐地，他们意识到他们忘记带苏打水。年龄最小的乌龟说，直到他回来，如果他们不会吃三明治的话，他会回家去取。一个星期过去了，然后是一个月，最后一年，两只乌龟说：“噢，来吧，让我们吃三明治。”突然，小乌龟从石头后面突然出现了，说道：“如果你们这样，我就不去取了！”

4 弹钢琴

A: Doctor, will I be able to play the piano after the operation.

B: Yes, of course.

A: Great. I never could before.

A：医生，我就能在手术后弹钢琴。

B：是的，当然。

A: 太棒了。我以前不会弹。

5 吉娃娃怎么可能会要了罗威纳犬的命

A man walks into a bar one day and asks, "Does anyone here own that Rottweiler outside?"

"Yeah, I do!” a biker says, standing up. "What about it?"

"Well, I think my Chihuahua just killed him."

"What are you talking about?!" the biker says, disbelievingly. "How could your little runt kill my Rottweiler?"

"Well, it seems he got stuck in your dog's throat!"

一个男人走进酒吧问，“外面那条罗威纳犬是谁的？”

“我的，” 一个骑摩托车的男人站起来说，“怎么了？”

“哦，我想我的吉娃娃刚要了它的命……”

“你在说什么啊？”骑摩托的人觉得难以置信，说，“就凭你那只小不点，怎么可能杀得了我的罗威纳犬？”

“哦，它卡在你的狗的喉咙里了。”

图: Chihuahua and Rottweiler (吉娃娃和罗威纳犬)

6 帮忙

Father: What did you do today to help your mother? 
Son: I dried the dishes 
Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces. 

父亲：你们今天帮你妈妈干什么了？

儿子：我把盘子擦干了。

女儿：我帮着收拾了地上的碎片。