我在这个世界上太过孤独

我在这个世界上太过孤独，但是还没有足够孤独

可以真正地奉献出自己的每一分每一秒

我在这个世界上太过渺小，但是还没有足够渺小

可以像事物一样呈现在你面前 隐秘又精明

我想要我的自由意志 想让它陪伴我

走过那条引领行动的生命之路

我希望在疑难丛生之际

困惑顿起之时

知道什么将会发生 

否则 我将只会是孤单一人

我想要把你的形象反映到极致

永远不会盲目或者衰老

能够撑起你那厚重的 飘忽不定的映像

我想要把自己打开

我不希望自己有任何的折叠和扭曲 

因为那样我将不诚实 不真实

我希望我的认知在你的面前是真实的

我希望这样描述自己 就像描述一幅画

长时间地 近距离地观察着的一幅画：

像终于理解并且接受的一句话

像每天用着的水杯

像母亲的脸

像是一艘前进的船 安全地承载着我 

通过那最致命的风暴

～～～～～～～

译者语：

和里尔克的很多诗作一样， 这首也不是一首好理解很直接的诗歌。好在这首比较出名，我在网上找到了几个版本的英文译文和英文的诗歌分析。分析文章的作者大都认为这是在讲述作者自己和爱人之间的关系， 说的是靠近爱人和保持自我之间的矛盾。 我不这么看。 我不认为诗中的 “你” 是指恋人，做恋人解有些地方不通（比如说 事物）， 这里的“你”我认为是指 “造物主”，生物宇宙的主宰。 博友EuphoriaF在一篇博文中说 “诗人里尔克旅行的时候，圣经是他随身带的两本书之一”， 这让人以为里尔克是基督教徒，可是里尔克说过他自己绝对不是一个基督教徒。 我觉得我可以理解这一点， 因为他心中的“主”不是耶稣，那是超越耶稣基督的大全世界的主宰，是万事万物运行的最根本的力量 （《主啊 我找到了你，在万物之中》 https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/202111/30189.html）。 这首诗，写的是一个人作为大全世界的一个部分 （非独立个体），顺命从运，和一个人作为独立个体的自由意志之间的矛盾。 这首诗跟他的另一首诗 《莲》（https://blog.wenxuecity.com/myblog/68411/201706/32141.html）有异曲同工之妙：

“你的整个生命是你自己的 但正是说这话之人
会把我 从我生命的无穷尽剥离 ”

“我无欲无求 我随波而动

在随波逐流之中 我充盈完善着自己的王国”。

～～～～～～～～～

I am Much Too Alone in this World

I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone 

    enough

to truly consecrate the hour.

I am much too small in this world, yet not small 

    enough

to be to you just object and thing,

dark and smart.

I want my free will and want it accompanying

the path which leads to action;

and want during times that beg questions,

where something is up,

to be among those in the know,

or else be alone.

I want to mirror your image to its fullest perfection,

never be blind or too old

to uphold your weighty wavering reflection.

I want to unfold.

Nowhere I wish to stay crooked, bent;

for there I would be dishonest, untrue. 

I want my conscience to be

true before you;

want to describe myself like a picture I observed

for a long time, one close up,

like a new word I learned and embraced,

like the everyday jug,

like my mother's face,

like a ship that carried me along

through the deadliest storm.

--- Rainer Maria Rilke (trans. by Annemarie S. Kidder)

I am Much too Alone in This World

I am too alone in the world, and not alone enough
to make every minute holy.
I am too tiny in this world, and not tiny enough
just to lie before you like a thing,
shrewd and secretive.
I want my own will, and I want simply to be with my will,
as it goes toward action,
and in the silent, sometimes hardly moving times
when something is coming near,
I want to be with those who know secret things
or else alone.
I want to be a mirror for your whole body,
and I never want to be blind, or to be too old
to hold up your heavy and swaying picture.
I want to unfold.
I don’t want to stay folded anywhere,
because where I am folded, there I am a lie.
And I want my grasp of things
true before you. I want to describe myself
like a painting that I looked at
closely for a long time,
like a saying that I finally understood,
like the pitcher I use every day,
like the face of my mother,
like a ship
that took me safely
through the wildest storm of all.

(Trans. https://apoemaday.tumblr.com/post/667301414757892096/i-am-too-alone-in-the-world-and-not-alone-enough)