Under one roof

 

		Sunday, Dec 11, 2011 The Business Times
By Corinne Kerk   For many people, the idea of living under the same roof with the extended family is a nightmare best avoided at all cost. Click on thumbnail to view So it was no surprise that when the Thengs decided to build a multi-generational home housing multiple families on a 15,600 square foot plot in the King Albert Park Good Class Bungalow area, friends and (other) family members were aghast. 'Along the way, many people asked me 'are you sure?',' recalls ophthalmologist Julian Theng. Even his wife, Hui Luan, asked him at least '50 times' if this was such a good idea. 'You need the motivation to do something like this, if not, it's easy to give up.' Still - and as testament to Dr Theng's perseverance as well as the resilience of his family's ties - the man pursued the idea and succeeded in gaining the support of his entire family. 'It was a childhood dream that having the whole family living together would be nice,' he explains. 'But my parents were the main reason. This way, we can all be around to support them.' The plan entails his parents, two brothers, their wives and children as well as his sister moving out of their homes into a new one that gives the term BTO new meaning. With his sister, Lisa, a lawyer, as co-owner, the home was designed and built entirely to order - that is, to meet the needs of each household, and match their current living conditions as closely as possible. With so many people to think about, constructing the four-level house was a complex exercise not for the faint-hearted. Family meetings had to be convened so that concerns were honestly and openly discussed to avert potential areas of friction and disagreements. After all, and despite the closeness of the Theng family, bad planning and insensitive decisions could easily and seriously damage their relationships instead of strengthening them. 'Everyone's main concern was privacy,' says Lisa. 'But once we dealt with that, it was alright.' One of the first things that the extended family agreed on was that every household's own routine be kept, so there is no obligation placed on anyone to do things together. Yet, there is flexibility, such that whenever someone needs help, members of the extended family are ready to pitch in. Other conflict-averting arrangements include having an online booking system for the property's tennis court, so the kids' training sessions do not clash. Since the land was purchased in 2008 and until the family moved in about four months ago, there was still some lingering uncertainty about how things will turn out. But as Hui Luan puts it: 'The arrangement works and so well! The kids are so happy.' Adds Dr Theng: 'Despite all the concerns, everyone sees that the pros have turned out really well, and we managed the cons - some of which never happened anyway.' The key to the success of this multi-generational home for 17 (including eight children), plus five maids, two dogs, some rabbits and lots of fish, is that each family has its own home within the home. Every household has its own main door, bedrooms, study, living and dining rooms as well as kitchen - each reflecting the home-dwellers' lifestyle and taste. They also cook their own meals and are not expected to do so for the other family members. Everyone has an access card to his or her own section of the house, although seniority has its privileges - grandpa and grandma Theng are the only ones with the all-access cards to every household, a power, Dr Theng points out, they have not abused. 'There is togetherness, yet also privacy,' Lisa notes. It helps that Dr Theng, who went through hundreds of architectural publications for inspiration and came out with much of the design concept himself, managed to fit everything the family wanted into a built-in area of about 22,000 sq ft. The must-haves for the tennis-mad (both Lisa and Dr Theng are ex-national players) and musically-gifted family include a tennis court, heated 15-metre lap pool and a large dance-cum-music studio. The latter, fully equipped with band instruments, is also a recording studio that works wonderfully for Lisa, a music director at the Prinsep Street Presbyterian Church. Other 'communal' luxuries thrown in include an entertainment area comprising a bar, and pool, automated mahjong and foosball tables, two movie/KTV theatrettes, a steam room with a built-in TV, a fully-equipped gym, massage room, sunken lounge area with a double volume ceiling, putting green, spa pool, three ponds, a lift and basement parking for eight cars. It's only been a few months since the families moved in, but they have already been welcoming an endless string of guests, as well as hosting parties practically every other week. Lisa was even able to hold two church retreats at home, one of which saw 15 guests staying over. 'We are a close-knit family, so with love, God and by keeping to the principles we hold dear, we can make it work,' says Dr Theng, noting that it is important to be 'gracious to one another'. Adds Lisa: 'We recognise that everyone is different, so that's where the challenges are, but also where the beauty is. This is also a way for us to demonstrate love and respect for our parents, to honour them.' As a result, the eight Theng kids simply love hanging out at home with their cousins and friends, have grown even closer to each other and see multi-generational homes as a perfectly natural and healthy arrangement. Click on thumbnail to view One supposes the nitty gritty details of the Theng multiple household have long been discussed and amicably settled. For instance, do they take turns to pay the water and electricity bills or are they split between the households every month? Are the parking lots assigned or on a first-come-first-served basis? And should an aunt tell on her naughty nephew? Such a home is not for everyone, but as far as one can tell, the Thengs have made it work to their advantage. All that's left now is to enjoy the house and everything it has to offer - relatives included. [e-mail] This article was first published in The Business Times.