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青苹果

(2007-03-28 06:14:09) 下一个
by 五髭须

坐在绿色的椅上,
任头顶青色的苹果,
在风中摇荡。
我想像--
你也坐在绿色的椅上,
和我一起 怀想。

Grantchester, 啊,Grantchester!
多少人慕你炫丽之名,
而我看到你内心的宁静。

我平日想起Grantchester这个地方,脑子里就浮现出一片广阔的绿野,一条宁静悠然的小河,连带水中的蓝天白云,在原野上缓缓地流动,安谧而又超然,有点象记忆中童年的夏天,悠长的几近停滞。然而等我细细地回想,又只有一个模糊的印象,象看闪子上飞速旋转的画片,只有清晰的片断,却如何也无法连贯起来。我甚至不记得它的方位,也模糊了一路上的风景。于是我便感叹到底是老了,记忆是日渐衰退;毕竟,仅仅是几年前的事情。

那一天的剑桥雨过天晴。此行最后的一个报告做完了,所有的工作已经结束,明天就将离开。热情温厚的主人提议,一起出去走一走。这个夏天的英伦溽热多雨,与以往不同的是,大多时候都是瞬息来去的热带阵雨,不象一向的阴郁沉闷。因之雨过后,总是格外的清新明亮,澄碧的蓝天就象刚擦拭过的琉璃;绿野如茵,水珠在枝叶间无声地流动,一切都显得干净透明,在疲惫的夏日,更有一种柔嫩的灿烂。

我们漫步于康河两岸,轻松而漫无目的。雨刚停,游人不多,小城显得很安静,窄小的街巷响着空洞的脚步,混合着历史的回声。主人是个典型的英国绅士,诙谐健谈,对这个城市的过往,科学家们的掌故轶事了如指掌,娓娓道来,真是妙趣横生。走着走着,忽然间脑子里就想起一个地方,于是问他,这里是否有个茶馆很有名。主人一脸茫然,不知所以。几回问答之后,脑子里的印象愈加清晰。我便告诉他,有一个茶馆,是诗人们聚会的地方,那里有一个果园,种满了苹果树。主人恍然大悟:Ah, Grantchester! Grantchester Tea Garden! 于是欣然要陪我前往。

我谢绝了他的好意,叫了一辆出租车独自上路。事实上更好的方式是租一条船,顺着康河一路撑去,大致也就是二、三公里;或者是步行。但我没有更多的时间。路很近,出剑桥便在原野上蜿蜒穿行。路两边多是齐腰高的芦苇,已经有芦花飞絮。芦苇之外是广阔的牧场,四野平畴,绿的沁人心脾。时而便见五花的奶牛,三五成群地嚼草,尾巴悠闲地摇晃。天很蓝,碧空如洗;一朵朵浮动的白云,悠然地注视着下面悠闲的大地。

十来分钟就到了,看上去是一个普通农家的小庄园。一进门,是粗沙铺就的前院,几株高大的榆树,绿意盎然。一栋不大的独立房子,檐下探出深绿的遮阳布。房子显得旧了,已见风雨的剥蚀。走到房子近前,才发现后院才是果园,几十株苹果树错落有致,树下四散摆着桌子和躺椅,一色的深绿。苹果树后,又是一个小小的牧场,康河则从绿草的边缘婉婉流过。

我要了一壶茶,淡淡的Earl Grey茶水有点苦涩而清凉。园子里静悄悄的,只有我一个人,坐在苹果树下。头顶微微摇曳的青苹果,精致的英国瓷器让这个下午远离尘嚣,显得安谧而温馨。有几瓣苹果花飘然坠落,齐腰高的芦苇窸窸低语。我有点神思恍惚,身子就象微风中的苹果,忽然间就失去了力量,萎顿在椅子里冥想。

Grantchester Tea Garden这个苹果园,原来只是一个无人知晓的普通园子。因为离剑桥近,又紧靠康河,常常便有师生或是撑了船、或是走了来小憩。停下来后,往往便在草地上野餐,女主人便也如常地煮一壶茶,请这些客人品尝她新鲜烘烤的小饼干。渐渐口耳相传,来者越来越多,剑桥的学者与诗人尤其喜欢在这里聚会,打发下午茶的时光。诗人拜伦、济慈,数理逻辑学家罗素,意识流的开山人作家伍尔芙等,当年都是这里的常客。但Grantchester Garden之为人知晓,却是因为一个不太为外界所知的诗人布鲁克。

布鲁克一生事迹其实乏善可陈,诗作也无过人之处,出了英伦三岛,恐怕是知者寥寥。这个面目有点象肯尼迪的英国青年,俊朗佻达,笑容也象年轻时的肯尼迪,无邪中带着一丝羞涩。他在剑桥上学的时候,寄住在果园的庄房,每天得以享用女主人的茶点,度过了一段宁静快乐的生活。这个被济慈称为是英格兰最英俊的年轻人,热情洋溢,时而也放浪形骸,白日纵酒,青春作歌,成为无数少女青睐的对象,自不免有许多缠绵暧昧的情愫。厅房和走廊里依次排列的照片纪录了他那一段奔放无羁的日子,让人联想起竹林七贤流水行云般的恣意。带着对这一段美好生活的回忆,他后来从军,参加第一次世界大战。他于倥偬的军旅中曾经深情地写道:

God! I will pack, and take a train,
And get me to England once again!
For England's the one land, I know,
Where men with Splendid Hearts may go;
And Cambridgeshire, of all England,
The shire for Men who Understand;
And of that district I prefer
The lovely hamlet Grantchester.

字里行间充满怀念。此后不久布鲁克死于战地,怀抱着一个永远的遗憾,也留下了一个永久的传奇。

许多年后这个朴素宁静的果园成为另外一个诗人留连的地方。这个从遥远中国来的年轻人,有着同样俊朗而羞涩的笑容。徐志摩留学剑桥时成日无所事事,既无心向学,也不愿忍受课堂的冷涩和清寒,Grantchester很自然便成为他流连忘返的乐园。志摩的学问是一塌糊涂,既不学也不问,终其一生也无所成。弄得我后来读《围城》,总以为方鸿渐便是影射徐志摩,而苏文纨所指何人则不言自明了。这个时候的志摩,大概每天都坐在苹果树下思想林徽音,构思着他的情诗。正如他所说:

那榆荫下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间,
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。

他在那里做了一个彩虹般的梦。那个梦,直到他死去的一刻,大概也没有醒来。而他自己,那么一个热烈而浪漫的生命,却因为那个梦,长久地为后来的少男少女们景仰。

这两个人是如此的相似,恍如互为映像。同样的气质,从事同样的职业,同样如彗星一般英年早逝,也同样地在自己的语言圈子里如日中天却不为外面的世界所知。他们都不朽,却不是因为自己的事业和成就,甚至也不是因为文学上的造诣,而是因为他们所张扬的个性及其真诚,因了那一种勇敢和浪漫。这两个性情中人,不曾被世俗的藩篱所羁绊,一心只凭了对美和自由的向往,对热情与浪漫人生的追求,将生命的热量和张力,将爱的甘甜和苦涩,演绎到淋漓尽致。

生命短暂而璀璨,那一种瞬间夺目的光芒,让人目眩心迷,也让人升华。那是人性的光辉,也是人生的华美。布鲁克和徐志摩,都是这种人生哲学的实践者,也都因为不能成就的爱,成就了他们的不朽。

而我自己呢?在那个下午我踏着柳枝间、榆荫下金色的阳光,象志摩一样轻轻地来,悄悄地坐在苹果树下。头上青嫩的苹果在微风中轻轻摇曳,空气中是野草的气息。那个静静的下午,在缄默无声的康河边,我任自己的思绪遨游。我想起我自己的人生,也想起一个人。此刻她正行走在旅途上,她在哪里呢?一切都还好吗?也许就在近在咫尺的剑桥,也许她的脚正踏在我留下的脚印上。但我不可能知道。她曾经象身边的这条河,静静地流进我的生活,又静静地流过去,然而却不肯流出我的视野,总是在我要转过头去的时候,鬼使神差般地出现在地平线上,就那么静静地看着我。

我还想了很多。我知道在我人生的旅途上,悲悯的上苍曾经慷慨地把一份无比珍贵的礼物放在我的手上,比水晶还要透明,比钻石更加无价。我小心翼翼地将它捧在眼前,充满惊奇地凝视着它、摩抚着它,爱不释手。然而最终我放弃了这份不可再得的赐予。那一刻,我知道自己遗失了生命的花果,一种世间无与伦比的美好在掌顾间奄奄流失。那种损失不可弥补,穷我一生的成就与声望,以我一生跋涉所获得的历练与智慧,都无法相比。我清醒地意识到,我生命的热情正如身边的康河缓缓流逝,有一天,生命本身也将象眼前青色的苹果,尚未完满便悄然坠落,在蔓草之间腐败。这一切都不可逆转,而我无能为力,只能坐看岁月流逝。

于是我懂得生之寂寞,爱之无奈。因为挚爱,我选择离开;因为思念,所以远行。我知道那一份哀愁,在漫漫的人生道路上将始终与我同行,直到生命的终结。但是我并不孤独,或者说我不害怕孤独。就比如眼前我独自坐在这个悄无声息的果园里,独自孤独地想:这个世界时常让我不知所措,每当此时,我仿佛就看到寂寞天穹里有一双眼睛,它就那么充满爱怜地看着我。在许多万籁俱寂的长夜里,那深情却又无奈的目光温暖了一个孤独的旅人。

附一:Rupert Brooke的诗歌

The Old Vicarage, Grantchester
(Café des Westens, Berlin, May 1912)
by Rupert Brooke (1887-1915)

Just now the lilac is in bloom,
All before my little room;
And in my flower-beds, I think,
Smile the carnation and the pink;
And down the borders, well I know,
The poppy and the pansy blow . . .
Oh! there the chestnuts, summer through,
Beside the river make for you
A tunnel of green gloom, and sleep
Deeply above; and green and deep
The stream mysterious glides beneath,
Green as a dream and deep as death.
---Oh, damn! I know it! and I know
How the May fields all golden show,
And when the day is young and sweet,
Gild gloriously the bare feet
That run to bathe . . . Du lieber Gott!

Here am I, sweating, sick, and hot,
And there the shadowed waters fresh
Lean up to embrace the naked flesh.
Temperamentvoll German Jews
Drink beer around;---and there the dews
Are soft beneath a morn of gold.
Here tulips bloom as they are told;
Unkempt about those hedges blows
An English unofficial rose;
And there the unregulated sun
Slopes down to rest when day is done,
And wakes a vague unpunctual star,
A slippered Hesper; and there are
Meads towards Haslingfield and Coton
Where das Betreten's not verboten.

. . . would I were
In Grantchester, in Grantchester!---
Some, it may be, can get in touch
With Nature there, or Earth, or such.
And clever modern men have seen
A Faun a-peeping through the green,
And felt the Classics were not dead,
To glimpse a Naiad's reedy head,
Or hear the Goat-foot piping low: . . .
But these are things I do not know.
I only know that you may lie
Day long and watch the Cambridge sky,
And, flower-lulled in sleepy grass,
Hear the cool lapse of hours pass,
Until the centuries blend and blur
In Grantchester, in Grantchester. . . .
Still in the dawnlit waters cool
His ghostly Lordship swims his pool,
And tries the strokes, essays the tricks,
Long learnt on Hellespont, or Styx.
Dan Chaucer hears his river still
Chatter beneath a phantom mill.
Tennyson notes, with studious eye,
How Cambridge waters hurry by . . .
And in that garden, black and white,
Creep whispers through the grass all night;
And spectral dance, before the dawn,
A hundred Vicars down the lawn;
Curates, long dust, will come and go
On lissom, clerical, printless toe;
And oft between the boughs is seen
The sly shade of a Rural Dean . . .
Till, at a shiver in the skies,
Vanishing the Satanic cries,
The prim ecclesiastic rout
Leaves but a startled sleeper-out,
Grey heavens, the first bird's drowsy calls,
The falling house that never falls.

God! I will pack, and take a train,
And get me to England once again!
For England's the one land, I know,
Where men with Splendid Hearts may go;
And Cambridgeshire, of all England,
The shire for Men who Understand;
And of that district I prefer
The lovely hamlet Grantchester.
For Cambridge people rarely smile,
Being urban, squat, and packed with guile;
And Royston men in the far South
Are black and fierce and strange of mouth;
At Over they fling oaths at one,
And worse than oaths at Trumpington,

And Ditton girls are mean and dirty,
And there's none in Harston under thirty,
And folks in Shelford and those parts
Have twisted lips and twisted hearts,
And Barton men make Cockney rhymes,
And Coton's full of nameless crimes,
And things are done you'd not believe
At Madingley on Christmas Eve.
Strong men have run for miles and miles,
When one from Cherry Hinton smiles;
Strong men have blanched, and shot their wives,
Rather than send them to St. Ives;
Strong men have cried like babes, bydam,
To hear what happened at Babraham.
But Grantchester! ah, Grantchester!
There's peace and holy quiet there,
Great clouds along pacific skies,
And men and women with straight eyes,
Lithe children lovelier than a dream,
A bosky wood, a slumbrous stream,
And little kindly winds that creep
Round twilight corners, half asleep.
In Grantchester their skins are white;
They bathe by day, they bathe by night;
The women there do all they ought;
The men observe the Rules of Thought.
They love the Good; they worship Truth;
They laugh uproariously in youth;
(And when they get to feeling old,
They up and shoot themselves, I'm told) . . .

Ah God! to see the branches stir
Across the moon at Grantchester!
To smell the thrilling-sweet and rotten
Unforgettable, unforgotten
River-smell, and hear the breeze
Sobbing in the little trees.
Say, do the elm-clumps greatly stand
Still guardians of that holy land?
The chestnuts shade, in reverend dream,
The yet unacademic stream?
Is dawn a secret shy and cold
Anadyomene, silver-gold?
And sunset still a golden sea
From Haslingfield to Madingley?
And after, ere the night is born,
Do hares come out about the corn?
Oh, is the water sweet and cool,
Gentle and brown, above the pool?
And laughs the immortal river still
Under the mill, under the mill?
Say, is there Beauty yet to find?
And Certainty? and Quiet kind?
Deep meadows yet, for to forget
The lies, and truths, and pain? . . . oh! yet
Stands the Church clock at ten to three?
And is there honey still for tea?

附二:徐志摩《再别康桥》

再别康桥   

轻轻的我走了,
正如我轻轻的来;
我轻轻的招手,
作别西天的云彩。

那河畔的金柳,
是夕阳中的新娘;
波光里的艳影,
在我的心头荡漾。

软泥上的青荇,
油油的在水底招摇;
在康河的柔波里,
我甘心做一条水草!

那榆荫下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间,
沉淀着彩虹似的梦。

寻梦?撑一支长篙,
向青草更青处漫溯,
满载一船星辉,
在星辉斑斓里放歌。

但我不能放歌,
悄悄是别离的笙箫;
夏虫也为我沉默,
沉默是今晚的康桥。

悄悄的我走了,
正如我悄悄的来;
我挥一挥衣袖,
不带走一片云彩。





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抱球做梦yeah很牛 回复 悄悄话 写得太好了!这个有胡子的老头(看心态笔触猜的)太厉害了,比我牛。强顶妹妹一个!
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