随笔杂谈
儿童用最直接的方式来表达他们的情感。常常让人忍俊不止.
Communication Skills包括听说读写。通过阅读和写作来培养说，读和写的能力。但听的训练比较少。Stephen Covey提出五个阶段的听：
- ignoring (忽视)- 开小会时，有人问问题，回答的答非所问。这种情况在高层上很少，因为他们答完都会问: did I answer your question?（我回答了你的问题吗?)
- pretending (装样) - 有一次，同事和我说，另一同事很次开会都说同样的话，不知道他到底明不明白。
- selective listening（选择行的听）- 只听见自己想听的。有时回头看会议视频，发现自己遗漏了好多信息。
- attentive listening （仔细地听）- 认真仔细地听，每个词都注意到了。能做到这点就很不错。
- empathic listening （感同身受地听）-设身处地站在对方立场听。不但用耳朵听话语，还有用眼睛看肢体语言，用心去体会说话者的心情。这是最有效的。需要改变自己的character去感同身受地聆听。
Stephen 列了个孩子给母亲讲不喜欢学校的母子对话。
"Come on, honey, tell me how you feel, I know it's hard, but I will try to understand."
"Oh, I don't know, Mom. You'd think it was stupid."
"Of course I wouldn't! You can tell me. what's making you so unhappy?"
"Well, to tell you the truth, I just don't like school anymore."
"What!" （respond incredulously.） "What do you mean you don't like school? And after all the sacrifices we've made for your education! Education is the foundation of your future. If you'd apply yourself like your older sister does, you'd do better and then you'd like school. Time and time again, we've told you to settle down, You've got the ability. but you just don't appy yourself. Try harder. Get a postive attude about it."
在这段对话中，母亲彻底忽视孩子不喜欢学校。没问缘由，反而用姐姐的例子来指责。你觉得这样的对话结果如何？Stephen还举了另一个父子对话。
"Dad, I've had it! School is for the birds!”
"You're really frustrated about school."
"I sure am, It's totally impractical. I'm not getting a thing out of it."
"You feel like school's not doing you any good."
"Well, yeah, I'm just not learning anything that's going to help me. I mean, look at Joe. He's dropped out of school and he's working on cars. He's making money. Now, that's practical."
"You feel that Joe really has the right idea."
"Well, I guess he does in a way. He's really making money now. But in a few years, I bet he'll probaly be ticked off at himself."
"You think Joe's going to feel he made the wrong decision?"
"He's got to. Just look at what he's giving up. I mean, if you don't have an education, you just can't make it in this world."
"Education is really important."
"It is, And ... you know what? I am really worried, Listen, you won't tell Mom, will you?"
"You don't want your mother to find out."
"Well, not really. Oh, I guess you can tell her. She'll probably find out anyways. Look, I took this test today. This reading test. And Dad, they said I'm reading on a fourth-grade level. Fourth-grade! And I am a junior in high school!"
对比一下这两段对话。父亲真正聆听孩子的问题，孩子自己知道是哪里的问题。问题明了，解决的方法自然会浮出。这样的对话bring out the best parts of you.
