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所有条件都合适H,这篇《Blue》文书可否拿下H录取

(2022-12-07 09:45:52) 下一个

==== 先了解 Stats 和 ECs ====

School Grades: All As

ACT: 33 only once

ECs: Multi-year Pianist and Euphonist, Started Model UN, Volunteered in Kids Tutor Center, Founded Art & Politics Club...

Recs: Strong from teachers

Personality described by others: A Quiet, Confident Leader Behind The Scene

Demog: Female Western Asian First Gen Immigrant, London, Parents working in long hours

Apply for: Harvard and Oxford in 2016

 

==== 再读《Blue Essay》=====

Blue.

A cold gray blue sky that signals an impending thunderstorm. Of course, my own raindrops had already started to triple down my face merging with the strangely hot water that continued to sweep over my body like a relentless tart. As the steam continued to rise, my glass shower door formed an ever-thickening barrier of misty blue for between my thoughts and reality, a reality that to me seemed incomprehensible distorted.

“What’s wrong with you?” I thought to myself. The words stung as they charged through my mind, leaving an exhaustive trail of potential responses.

Singing, I suspended the flow of hot water and slid the glass door open destroying the comforting haze and returning to the reality I couldn’t about to face. The bathroom was still steamy as I walked to the mirror and wipe the translucent skin that had formed over it. I would inevitably force myself to look up in the reflection a pair of bloodshot eyes staring back tiredly. Set in a withered face, I saw weakness anxiety but, worst of all, complete despair. Upon this realization, I turned the faucet on and disguised my quiet sobs beneath the sound of flowing water.

I can’t quantify the duration of my feeling blue like a thunderstorm. I could not tell whether there would be another surprise downpour or flash of cool lightening. Suddenly the wild was a scary place. Humans could turn on each other and were capable of wickedness even I could not imagine. Even those who had known my entire life, my closest friends, siblings, and my parents, all possessed this potential hurt.

How could I fix the world? I couldn’t. What could I do? I could leave where I could never answer the last question. But, as those endless cycle of questions raced through my mind, time passed on the same way the wind propels you forward on a blustery day. The intensity of my blue moments started to blur into bustle of my life. Conversations with my closest friends helped me to find some solace, though I felt numbed rather than appeased.

Then on a school trip to London I found myself talking to a classmate I’d lost touch with years ago. Though the day was scattered with slight awkwardness after our four-year hiatus, museums grew closer once more. Weeks later, she made a star-song revelation to me. She too felt blue. She wept at home and felt helpless. She didn’t know what to do — she was lost.

I realised I could help her. We were together in this thunderstorm, both lost in need of refuge. I shared my own experience with her and we sat for hours, reminiscing and dissecting those cold solitary moments. We found ourselves crying, sighing, and even laughing hysterically at our thoughts, which now materializing the sentences seemed foreign and weak.

“Thank you!” Sha said, embracing me in a hug that reminded me of the carefree days of youth when sun shone warmly on our backs. We had each other then, and we still had each other now.

“Everything will be fine.” I responded and for the first time in a while I meant it. As we plotted ways, I couldn’t help but feel a strange sensation come over me. I felt the blue haze that had settled into the corners of my life waning. It had never occurred to me that the balloons a part of me I had always suppressed could actually bring happiness.

In that moment, I understood that had I not experienced such a deep blow, I wouldn’t be able to help a friend in dire need. These experiences were part of my identity and they made me stronger. It struck me that every cloud has a silver lining and rainbows could only form in the presence of sunlight and rain.  

 

读完,谁来说说,这文书怎么样?H能录吗?O能录吗?

原文作者是谁,录没录,随后揭晓!I will disclose the author and her admission result later.

• 谢谢分享。对文书完全没有研究。感觉太过笼统,看完印象并不深刻。 -gossipgirl8♀ 给 gossipgirl8 发送悄悄话 gossipgirl8 的博客首页 gossipgirl8 的个人群组 (45 bytes) (22 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 09:56:11

• 我帖了很多,欢迎提意见 -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (0 bytes) (4 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 09:57:43

• 致- avw - -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (379 bytes) (96 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:03:34

• 我本人不在意你是否侵权。但是如果你要标榜自己是遵纪守法的,我就要指出让你看看 -avw♀ 给 avw 发送悄悄话 avw 的个人群组 (0 bytes) (8 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:08:50

• 我标榜的是我对文书研究的兴趣 -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (236 bytes) (37 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:14:03

• 还有个法律问题问问您 -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (104 bytes) (35 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:16:56

• AO得有多少耐心才能把这个看下去啊,得熬到了第7段才明白这娃想说什么。 -windyLL♀ 给 windyLL 发送悄悄话 windyLL 的个人群组 (0 bytes) (6 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:18:05

• 放这一起说吧,你贴的那篇韩国女孩的,文笔流畅,但是第一句话(象声词)就把人turn off,很多小中男也喜欢以象声词开场 -windyLL♀ 给 windyLL 发送悄悄话 windyLL 的个人群组 (223 bytes) (95 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:20:50

• Good point! -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (51 bytes) (52 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:32:50

• 那,H 能录不? -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (0 bytes) (3 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 10:34:16

• 第一代大学生, 被H录了不奇怪。 -eclubs♀ 给 eclubs 发送悄悄话 eclubs 的博客首页 eclubs 的个人群组 (32 bytes) (12 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 12:06:00

• 您的眼光很好。但Y根本没申。Oxford都没录。H录了,但不是用的这篇文书 -贾平凸♂ 给 贾平凸 发送悄悄话 贾平凸 的博客首页 贾平凸 的个人群组 (211 bytes) (26 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 12:10:36

• 喜欢这一篇。我觉得H能录。虽然stats并不是最强的,但是西亚应该有优势。 -60MPH♀ 给 60MPH 发送悄悄话 60MPH 的个人群组 (0 bytes) (0 reads) 12/07/2022 postreply 12:11:31

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大家对这篇的评价:喜欢文字的1/5,喜欢申请的2/5

揭晓:这篇不够H,至少作者自己是这么觉得的。所以她在临提交前重写了一篇坚持要养宠物猫和坚持留美读大学的主题,并果断换下了上面这篇。结果,她在RD段拿下了哈佛。她的Harvard admission file里的Overall 评分是2+, 这个评分的人有65%的录取率

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