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隐痛

(2007-04-15 12:21:01) 下一个

不小心打翻了记忆,突然之间,心里涌出了莫名的痛,很痛,像针刺一般。在这个静静的疲惫的孤独的午后,泪水不争气的落下,似乎到了世界末日。

原来释怀还是如此的艰难。想找个没人的地方大哭一场,让眼泪带走一切的记忆;想蒙上被子大睡一觉,再也没有梦。

电话那端传来的声音清晰悦耳。谢谢你还记得我,真的谢谢你。你留给我那么多回忆,你曾带给我那么多甜蜜。你说过你是个与众不同的人,我相信。

一想到你,便有丝丝的甜,又伴着丝丝的苦涩;便有丝丝的暖,又伴着丝丝的寒意。

我不应该感到痛,我应该感到高兴。在这样的寂寞的午后和傍晚,你又一次悄悄的来到我身边,陪我伴我,尽你所能。

有时候,我会突然很害怕,因为你的模样在我心里越来越不清晰。我总以为当只有轮廓剩下的时候,我就释然了,可事实是我在有意无意的拼命想记住你,记住你的样子,记住你说过的话。

I believe you still care for me just as I do to you. I am happy and appreciate for having been sheltered by your heart.


Let it go. Let it go. It is time to let it go. Be patient with life. Be patient.

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阅读 ()评论 (15)
评论
漫游 回复 悄悄话 I can not remember how many times I have read this. Another Melly's masterpiece.
Loft 回复 悄悄话 回复melly的评论:
按照自己的方式去生活,或许有伤痛,一定有伤痛,但是这些伤痛,能够自己在生活中去化解,无论碰到任何的愉快,或不愉快,都知道应该用怎样的表情去面对, right?
Yes, Loft is on eAnn Taylor sub-brand :-)

Eliz
melly 回复 悄悄话 回复Loft的评论:
Yes, you are right. But don't you think it is not easy to perform? hehe...

Thanks for stopping by.

By the way, your nickname reminds me of Ann Taylor, one of my favorite brands.

Talk more.
Loft 回复 悄悄话 缘起缘灭,缘浓缘淡,不是我们能够控制的。我们能做到的,是在因缘际会的时侯好好的珍惜那短暂的时光.漫漫人生,我们遇到了另外一个人。虽然不能终老,但我们曾经拥有最甜美的时光。他里面有我,我里面也有他。我流泪、饮泣,然后我微笑。世界上有两种可以称之为浪漫的情感 :一种叫相濡以沫,另一种叫相忘于江湖 。人生如寄,有什么是可以真正拥有?无言的走远,又能有什么选择?

离开之后,希望你把我忘记。如果你会记得想念我的,不要忘记我也在想念你
melly 回复 悄悄话 回复blhw72的评论:
I had the C-section. So I didn't experience contraction pain.

You are right, life is short. We have to live with something and without sth in the meantime.

I know you will resonate with my essay. haha..
blhw72 回复 悄悄话 回复melly的评论: We both must be secret lesbians!!!!
blhw72 回复 悄悄话 I used to be so certain that the worst pain on this planet was the contraction pain when having a baby. I believed that I was authorized to announce it because I'd experienced.

Now I am shilly-shally after reading you "secret anguish". Deeply I feel for you and fall into a moment of speechlessness.......

Sure, let it go....... That is also a statement of "having no way out".

The secret anguish is so familiar and so real. Sometimes it mercilessly swallows my soul and spirits. There are no words accurately to describe what it exactly is. I am only granted to feel it and suffer from it. It is such a vunerable place deep in my heart and easily be triggered with grieves and tears.

Gosh, is it the soul purpose? Once hubby talked about life. He truly had faith in life. Life is a short journey. We all initiated it in a rush with picking up whatever we could at that time -- joys as well as pains. Through lifetime, we use healing to take care of our pains.

If the pains do stay with us in life, then we manage and live with them.
melly 回复 悄悄话 回复blhw72的评论:
Hi pretty,

Once I was done with writing, I started to feel better.

Now seeing a pretty girl, I feel thrilled.
melly 回复 悄悄话 回复静水苍兰的评论:

心死,哀;心不死,伤。好在有你们帮我撑着。

呵呵
blhw72 回复 悄悄话 Feel better now, honey?

Let it go.....

love
静水苍兰 回复 悄悄话 哀莫大于心死。所以,还有泪可流,其实已经是很值得感恩的事情;特别是,当还有人听你倾诉的时候,那简直是幸福得无边了,))))
melly 回复 悄悄话 哈哈,居然没有挨骂,还以为你要痛斥我小资呢。

要知道有时候女人截长补短的要用眼泪来杀杀菌消消毒,有益健康,对吧.
静水苍兰 回复 悄悄话 痛却快乐着的丝丝苦涩,不可言说、难以分享,但却必定是自己心灵的专属财富,时时如温暖的小灯,忠实伴随并照亮独力前行的路。
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